Hi you! Hope you’ve had a great week so far and are ready for the weekend. 🙂 Today I just wanted to rant about how being an entrepreneur affects my mental health from time to time. I bet most of you ladies know I’ve been struggling with episodes of depression for a pretty long time now. Due to my diagnosis of anorexia nervosa at an early age, my tendencies of depression were left undiagnosed and untreated for a very long time. I remember I just thought it was a normal thing to live like a ghost every now and then, that it was completely to lock myself up inside the house for a few days and it was completely normal to lose all motivation for living from time to time. But it was just something nobody talked about. I don’t know, I thought everyone had these kind of moments. That everyone had the feeling they’d rather end their lives from time to time. I know, it might sounds ridiculous, but that’s just what I thought. Since I had these moments from such an early age, I thought it was nothing special, nothing to seek help for. Just something I needed to live with and deal with on my own.
Looking back on these times, I’m so grateful I visited a doctor that diagnosed me with depression about 6 years ago. It was such a relief that my very bad days had a name, that they could help me do something about it. Back then I got treated with fluoxetine and it helped me a lot in making my mood better. Also I had therapy that made me realize how important it is to have a good daily routine and schedule, to set goals for every day – these could be very simple like doing groceries – and how the people around you can help you through the difficult moments of depression. In my therapy I also learned that the periodic depression I suffer from is a condition that’ll probably stick with me for the rest of my life, something that I’ll always be prone to and something I thus had to accept as being a part of me.
The whole acceptation thing took me quite some time and I have to say that I honestly still struggle with it from time to time. Most times these days it is caused by social media. I see my friends and blogger colleagues doing awesome things, sharing their bright moments in life, and when I’m in an episode of depression, in a very down state of my life, I find it so-so hard to accept that I can’t do these things. That I’m not as productive as they are (I should say: as I think they are). That I’m not as productive as I used to be. That my depression is blocking the things that I want to do and want to become in my life. Yeah, basically that I’m just feeling really-really down and I can’t be the productive #girlboss I want to be. Accepting this as it is, is just so hard you guys. It just feels like my head wants me to do the 360 degrees opposite of what I want to do or be on my better days. The depression days are the ones in which only the thought of taking a shower is making me nauseous. And getting up to work is just way beyond me. On the down days, I need to take the time to focus on my mental health and just nothing but my mental health. Slowly I’m starting to learn that it’s okay that I have my down times, even as an entrepreneur and social media bug. That it’s okay to take a step back and focus on a good self care routine. Instead of on making more money, meeting more people and doing more things that can grow my business with. As my business is ‘me’ in a sort of way, I need to be constantly focussed on my own happiness. Thus, I will be able to be a better boss over my depression and be a better business woman as well.
End of my rant. Hope this post helps any of you out there who feel the way I do. Happy weekend for now! LY guys!